


Broken Glass

by itlnbrt



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Character Death, F/M, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-02
Updated: 2012-06-02
Packaged: 2017-11-06 16:15:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/420833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itlnbrt/pseuds/itlnbrt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. ~Author Unknown"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Glass

**Author's Note:**

> Ficawesome Gift Exchange- 3some
> 
> Title:
> 
> Broken Glass
> 
> Written for:
> 
> Mrs. Robward
> 
> Written By:
> 
> itlnbrt fanfiction
> 
> Rating:
> 
> M for Mature themes.

 

I'm nervous, as I am sitting in the waiting room of my new psychologist's office.

My nails are nonexistent at this point, and I do not truly know what I am doing here.

I suppose I need to talk to someone about my problems and most recent situation.

I am literally on the verge of losing everything, and this could be my only salvation. Perhaps I already have lost everything, and even if I can't fix our marriage, I want to help Edward.

"Isabella Cullen?" Someone calls from the doorway to the back office.

I stand up and walk toward the door. "Yes, hello. I'm Bella." I extend my hand to shake hers. I hope she can't tell that my hands are shaking.

She introduces herself, "Nice to meet you Bella. I'm Dr. Denali, but you can call me Kate."

I nod my head to her and follow her to the room we will be sitting in. As we walk down the hallway, I notice many doors, and she finally stops at one. As we go inside, I notice it is small and cozy. The walls are a dark chocolate brown with white trim with two matching light brown sofas facing each other. There are a couple of end tables with magazines and boxes of tissues. I instantly relax in this room and feel better about being here.

She gestures her hand to one of the sofas, letting me know I can sit and make myself comfortable. Only once I'm settled, and she is seated across from me, does she begin to speak.

"Bella, in this session we are going to discuss your goals and take a look at the big picture. We will not be discussing specifics this time around, but we will next session. How does that sound to you?"

"That's fine. I'm not sure what to do, as I have never done this before, but I suppose with your direction I will get along just fine," I said with an unsure smile.

"Good, good! So, let's begin with why you are here, and what you want to achieve from being here."

I took a deep breath and began speaking without thinking about it too much. I wanted everything to come out naturally and not staged.

"Well, I have been having problems with my husband, and I am not sure exactly what the problem is. I know that I can't continue living like this so I need direction and a professional opinion."

"Okay, that sounds reasonable and something I can help you with. Why don't you give me the big picture of what is bothering you?" Kate said gently.

"Um, well, I have been married for three years and I have seen a lot of things and behaviors from my husband and his brother that I never really paid attention to, but now things have been coming together, coming to light. I have seen his brother drink a lot and beat their mother, and lately I have seen my husband do the same."

I took a deep breath, and I started to cry a bit.

"Why are you crying Bella?"

"It is just so difficult to think of how things have changed in my life. This is not what I signed up for, and I feel that my life and my child's are in danger. I'm not afraid in so many words but more, I am angry that I am in this position. I just don't understand where we went wrong. Edward and I always had such a strong passionate love. One that I never imagined could be broken."

"Okay, I can understand that. I would like us to meet in two days and I have some homework for you. I would like you to write down in a journal all of the things that you can think of that relate to those feelings you just explained." She nodded, with such an inviting expression on her face. Her voice is so soft and soothing and it makes me feel safe in here with her.

Her features match her voice in that she has such a soft, natural beauty. I would describe her to have beautiful blue-gray eyes, with dirty-blonde hair in a tightly- pulled bun. Her makeup is light and natural except for her bright red lips. She is absolutely beautiful. If I were a foot taller, we would have the same small frame; but of course, it is much thinner on her.

I snapped out of my assessment of her looks and acknowledged her assignment.

"I understand," I said. And I did understand. I wanted her to understand that I was in this one hundred percent. I looked her straight in the eyes, and did everything in my power not to let my pain distract me from learning.

"Great then, I would like you to come back on Thursday. What time works for you?"

I pulled out my phone and looked at the calendar to make sure I didn't have any appointments for Thursday. Then I thought about a time that would be more convenient for my dad to babysit.

"Three o'clock?" I asked.

"Perfect, I'll see you then, and bring your journal with you."

I left feeling anxious about my assignment and all of the things that had transpired to lead me here.

I made my way to pick up Alec at my dad's house. I worry how all of this is going to affect Alec. He's only 8 months old and does not truly know what is going on, but he will when he's a bit older. I don't want that for him.

I want him to know his dad as the loving man he is, not what he has become.

I pulled in front of my dad's house and I can see them sitting in the sunroom. My dad looks so calm and relaxed holding Alec in his arms, cradling him.

Adorable.

I put a big smile on my face and walk into the house and straight to the sunroom.

"Hey, baby girl. We saw you pull up front. How did things go?"

"Hi, Dad. Things went… okay. I have homework and I go back on Thursday. Can you watch Alec again?" I asked.

~BG~

"Nice to see you again, Bella. Did you bring your journal?" asked Kate.

I handed her the journal and sat back on the cozy sofa. I ran my hand over the plush throw pillow to sooth myself while she looked at my journal.

"I'm going to read some of what you wrote, and then we can discuss it. Okay?"

I nodded and sat back while she read.

Journal Entry ~ One

The first memory I have that began the craziness I'm living in now was when I first began dating Edward. Edward has five sisters, and one brother. I was young and quite stupid now that I look back. For our dates, he would pick me up and drop me off at his mother's house with all of his sisters.

On one hand, it was nice because I began to build great relationships with six wonderful women. His mother was an incredibly strong woman that dealt with a very abusive husband who drank a lot.

It seems as if that runs in the family, as I have seen his brother arrive home drunk on many occasions and taken out his frustrations on their mother several times. Sober, he was a very quiet and nice person, but drunk, he was cruel and physically abusive.

Edward did not seem to show any signs of being abusive, as we had gotten drunk together several times and his only reaction was being a bit loud.

That was until the Thanksgiving after my son was born. Thanksgiving fell three days after he was born and we went to my dad's house. My dad had invited a few of his friends over to celebrate with us and everything was wonderful. People fawned over Alec and took turns holding him. I spent most of my time resting and caring for Alec.

Edward seemed to be caught up in the evening, enjoying himself a bit too much with my dad. Drinks were served heavily and Edward looked extremely drunk.

I don't know what it is, but drunken people scare me sometimes. They have the ability to turn into something completely unexpected and unknown really quickly.

Edward seemed to be riding that fence. He had indulged in too much alcohol and I hoped that he didn't fall off the fence to the wrong side.

I just don't know how it happened. That night was just the beginning to what I would consider the downfall of our marriage. And it kills me!

"Edward, it's late. We should go. Alec is only a few days old and I want to go home. I'm tired," I pleaded with Edward.

"Yes… yes! Let's go," he slurred.

I went to say goodbye to everyone so I could get Edward and Alec into the car and home.

I hoped that once we got home, Edward would go right to sleep, but I didn't have a good feeling.

Once we got home, Edward passed out on the sofa, and I went to take care of Alec and wash up for bed.

I placed Alec in his bassinet in our room, and I curled up in our bed and fell right to sleep.

I shot up out of bed with a sting to my cheek and the sound of a loud shriek. I realized the noise was coming from me and I automatically placed my hand on my cheek. I could feel the heat there, as if I had been slapped.

I looked around, still disoriented and trying to get my grasp on things, when I saw Edward standing right in front of me with a big knife from my kitchen.

What the fuck!

"Edward, what are you doing? Did you hit me?" I asked as calmly as I could, but something in air made me aware that things just weren't right.

I looked over at the bassinet to ensure Alec was safely inside. I sighed in relief at the sight of him still sleeping.

Edward just laughed at me while he pointed the knife at me. I honestly had no idea what was going on.

"Edward, answer me!" I demanded.

"You're such a pretentious bitch! You don't think I'm good enough for you. I can't have you in my life as poison. You poison me with your bitterness," he mumbled.

What in the world? None of that made sense.

"Seriously, I have no idea what you are talking about. Come on, give me the knife and let's go to sleep. I don't want to wake up the baby," I pleaded with him.

Instead of turning around to go to the kitchen, he advanced toward me and pushed me down. I tried to stand up, but he was towering over me. He slapped me again with his left hand, which hurt, but not as much as if it were with his right hand.

I was scared now, and emotional from hormones. This is not how I wanted to spend my baby's first holiday, or any day at all for that matter.

I was sobbing, shaking, and petrified of the look in his eyes, which made me all the more terrified. I began to hyperventilate.

Dr. Kate looked at me after she finished the first entry.

"Bella, you remember what you wrote in that first entry, correct?"

"Yes," I said shakily. Even though that incident was about a year old, it still feels like it was yesterday.

"When did this behavior begin?"

"I think that was the first night it began. If he showed signs before, I did not realize it. Either I ignored all of the signs altogether or it truly did begin that night. I am afraid of drunken people. I think that when people are drunk, their true selves show, and there are different types of drunks… happy, sad, and angry. Edward has turned into an angry drunk."

"It's very interesting that you have that opinion of how people behave when they are drunk. So that night that I just read about, what happened?"

I slipped off my shoes and pulled my legs onto the sofa off to my side, as I leaned onto the armrest. There were throw pillows on the sofa, and I grabbed one and sat it on my lap. I hate rehashing all of these incidents, but I know it will help me.

"Well, I was angry and I had to get the upper hand or who knew what he would have done. I couldn't let things get more out of hand than they were. I had to protect Alec. So, I let my anger at the situation take over and I became crazier than he was. I jumped up and screamed in his face, as I punched him. When he fell back, he dropped the knife - mind you, he was still extremely intoxicated. I took the knife and threatened him with it, and told him if he came within five feet of me, I would stab him to death," I breathed in a hurry.

I was so mortified that my need to protect Alec and myself made me look crazier than he was. I had to do whatever it took to keep us safe. I also never ever thought that I would want to hurt Edward. He is my world, and I love him with everything I have.

I grabbed some tissues and wiped my nose and continued.

"I kicked him and told him to sleep on the sofa and we would deal with this in the morning. He got up and left the room. I quickly rushed to the door and locked it."

"Okay, so that is how you dealt with it, but the next day what else did you do? Did you do anything to ensure this would not happen again?" Kate asked.

"Um, no, not really. When he finally woke up that afternoon, I yelled and threatened that if he ever drank again, I would leave or make him leave. But I know my biggest mistake was I never told anyone and I didn't leave."

"Okay, Bella, that is all the time we have today, but I want you to continue to write in your journal. If you run out of incidents, then I want you to start writing your feelings about each incident. More feelings, less facts. I'll see you in two days."

I said my goodbyes after thanking her and letting her know I understood completely.

~BG~

Sitting in Dr. Kate's office, I have my journal in my hand and I'm thinking about what's inside. It is such a drastic change from how Edward and I were prior to a year ago. We began dating in high school and after a lot of pursuing, Edward finally won me over mid-sophomore year. Edward was so romantic and thoughtful.

I think he saw how his mom was treated by his dad and vowed to never treat a woman like that. The cheating, abuse, and drinking were things he despised about his dad. I suppose the alcoholism is hereditary, and he associates it with the abuse that he witnessed most of his life.

These are things I want to speak to Kate about. I did some research and read a bunch of information on the Al-Anon website. It's basically AA for friends and family, and they have meetings as well. The only problem is I am way over my head, and therefore, I need to see Kate.

Regardless of what I do for Edward, he has to do it himself. I want to learn how to deal with it all emotionally.

I heard a giggle and looked up to find the source. "Bella."

I smiled and stood up to follow Kate.

"Where were you. . . I called you a few times and you didn't even flinch?" teased Kate.

I dropped my head from embarrassment. "Sorry, I was thinking about things I want to speak to you about."

"Great, I love to see how dedicated to this process you are. I can see how serious you are about it, and it's a great thing. I want you to know, Bella, that if you are the only one receiving help and guidance, you can't fix it all by yourself."

I snuggled into my favorite position on the sofa leaning against the armrest with the pillow on my lap. I looked at my hands on the pillow as I twisted my wedding rings. She's right, I can't be responsible for it all and I have to come to terms with that.

"You're right and I hadn't thought of that, but I am still willing to try. I never want anyone to think I didn't give this relationship my all."

"Can I see your journal? Before I begin reading it, why don't you tell me what you were thinking about outside."

"Well, I went online and researched Al-Anon and was thinking about going to a meeting; but now, I'm now so sure. I decided while doing my journal writing that Edward is an alcoholic and associates that with the abuse he witnessed growing up. Possibly, that is the reason why he turns so ugly when he is intoxicated."

"I guess I want to know if I can fix it. I don't want to lose him, but I feel as if I already have. He hasn't been living with us for about a month, because I am too scared to have him there. I felt like I hurt him in the worst way when I asked him to leave. He doesn't remember the things he does when he is drunk, but I do and I can't have him there."

I held my face in my hands with a wad of tissue as I sobbed uncontrollably. I feel so hopeless and I hate that I hurt him.

"That is quite interesting, Bella. Tell me about how you hurt him."

I took a few deep breaths to steady myself. There was no way I could get a word out in the condition I'm in. As I wiped my face and nose to clear my tears, I began to form my thoughts into words.

"Um, well, I asked him to leave our home, our baby, me. The look on his face and in his eyes was devastating. I know he loves me, and sober he has never hurt me. It's like he turns into to someone different when he drinks. I broke our home. I broke him, and I worry that now he is not home, he will drink more. Of course that is not the outcome I want. I want him to have an incentive to get better, get help and come home."

I breathed and pulled my hair into a messy bun. I pulled the pillow flush to my chest and hugged it to me.

"What will you do if he doesn't get help? Would you blame yourself?"

I looked up at her. She was waiting for me to answer, but I didn't have one.

"You are not responsible for the actions of others, only for your own."

"Exactly! I asked him to leave when he was at his lowest. I'm a horrible person," I said, extremely exasperated.

"I think we need to remind you of why you did that. I'm going to begin reading your next journal entry."

Journal Entry ~ Two

My husband has turned into two different people: the sober, loving, attentive, thoughtful, beautiful person, and the hateful, abusive, alcoholic. I don't know how to stop it and it seems we always seem to take one step forward and ten steps back. How do I reconcile that the same man that looks at me so lovingly, takes care of my every whim, and loves me so intensely is the same man that tries to kill me when he is too intoxicated?

He denies there is a problem, because he doesn't remember it ever happens. What happens if I break him? Instead of him getting help while he's away, he decides to drown his sorrow in liquor. Should I keep him at home and help him get help or I am doing the right thing? I don't want to hurt him as he has hurt me. I was always taught two wrongs do not make a right, but aren't I trying to do just that?

I am so afraid to be without him. He is my other half, my heart and soul. I suppose I love him enough to let him go. I love him enough to pray and hope that he will come back to me.

After Thanksgiving, things were okay; not perfect, but just okay. Then Christmas came and we attended family gatherings as expected. It was our tradition to celebrate Christmas Eve with his family and Christmas day with mine. Christmas Eve began just fine until his brother, Emmett arrived with a bottle of tequila and all shit hit the fan. Edward began drinking shots and tequila on the rocks, and he became worse than I had ever seen him.

It was after midnight and all of the traditional festivities were over so I decided it would be a good time to go home. Alec needed to be in his own bed, as it was late. I asked Edward to let us go home, but this time he did not want to. So, I told him I was taking the car and going. He didn't say anything so I assumed it was okay and he was having too much fun with his family to leave.

A few hours later, the phone startled me awake.

"Hello?"

"Bella, wake up. I want you and Alec to come over to Jasper's house. I'm over here and they have a huge Christmas spread and their whole family is here," explained Edward.

As I tried to look at the clock, I asked Edward, "What time is it? You're at Jasper's?"

The clock read three in the morning and I was beyond aggravated. I had only given birth a month prior, and I spend my day caring for my baby, my husband, and my house. I was exhausted.

I could hear loud music in the background and people talking above the music. That party was in full swing and I just wanted to sleep. I had no intentions of going there.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm here, and everyone wants you here, too."

"Edward, seriously? You wake me up at three in the morning to have me to go a party? Alec and I are sleeping, we can't go. Please, just come home. Call a taxi and come home."

"Bella, listen to me now. You are coming here and now. Jasper and I will go and pick you up. You better be ready."

He didn't sound very understanding at the moment and I could tell he was not going to let this go. The easiest thing for me to do was to drive myself there.

"Edward, I'll drive myself. I'll be there soon."

"You better hurry up," he slurred.

So, I got up and dressed myself. I remember looking in the mirror wondering how the hell I - me - ended up in this position. I was not one to let people boss me around, but there I was, doing exactly as he asked of me. I just knew that if I didn't, he would have made the whole situation worse.

I washed up and put a warm jacket on Alec very carefully. I tried not to wake him up. I put him in his little car seat and wrapped him in a blanket.

With my jacket on, I carried Alec out to the car and buckled him in. I was seriously dreading this whole thing.

Jasper and his family lived close, and as much as I liked them, I did not want to see them at three in the morning. I was tired and quite grumpy.

I made it to their house quickly. Luckily, Alec was still asleep so I removed him in his car seat carrier from the car. I truly wished I wasn't in this position and knew that it was going to end badly.

With the weariness of a scared child, I made my way up to their front door. Since they were expecting me I just walked in, and didn't see Edward right away.

As I scanned the room I saw Jasper and his wife Alice, their kids running around, and Jasper's parents.

I yelled out a hello and made myself known. Jasper came up to me right away saying how he was so glad I was there, and that Edward was missing me.

"I can't believe you would condone and encourage him dragging his month-old son out at three in the morning, Jasper. I am so angry right now I could spit nails. I'm here because I knew it would end badly if I didn't come, but I am not here because I want to be," I spat.

"Aww Bella, don't be that way." Whatever!

I waved hi to everyone and made my way to a sofa to sit down with the baby. I was going to sit there the rest of the morning until Edward decided to go.

I leaned myself against Alec's carrier and decided to close my eyes for while. Just as I was about to fall into a nice little sleep, Edward was yelling in front of me.

I opened my eyes slowly to see him with a glass in his hand and a big smile on his face. Too bad it wasn't the smile I loved so much.

"Come on baby, come dance with me."

"No Edward, I'm tired. I need to sleep."

His face dropped and he looked mad. This whole thing is just plain ridiculous. How can they not see that? I swear, I feel like the freak in this house of drunken-ass people.

Edward continued walking around and talking loudly for the next few hours until he was ready to pass out. As drunk as he was, I had no idea how he did not pass out hours ago.

Finally, at around six in the morning he wanted to go, so I jumped up, grabbed the baby and ran out the door. He slowly followed and climbed in the back seat with Alec. I drove, of course.

Again, the drive was short and just as I stopped at a red light near our house, I felt Edward's hands close around my throat. It wasn't in a nice loving way either, and I immediately panicked.

My whole body tensed and I couldn't breathe. Edward put pressure into the squeeze and it felt like my esophagus was going to break. I was getting lightheaded and ready to pass out. I was literally frozen in my spot. Red light, green light, who cared, it was all forgotten.

I was scared in that moment. I promise you, my life passed before my eyes. I couldn't protest, yell, or even pry his hands from my throat. I worried about Alec, and if Edward killed me right now, who would care for my baby?

I think I passed out, because a smack in the head awoke me from what seemed like a daydream.

The ability to breathe was amazing in that moment, but it was ragged and shallow. My breaths were coming in small pants; I couldn't catch a full breath.

With my hands gently wrapped around my neck, I tried to soothe the pain and myself.

I was crying silently. I didn't even want to look at him or interact with Edward at all. I don't know what had just happened, except the fact that he tried to strangle me to death.

So many things were going through my mind, but the most important was to get home and get my son out of the car.

I was so hurt physically and emotionally. I couldn't even fathom what could have happened tonight. Christmas Eve and all, drunk drivers, we could have been plowed into at that light. He could have killed me with his bare hands.

How?Why?A deep sob burst out of me.

As strong as I am, I can't do this anymore. He needs help. Shit, I need help.

I pulled into the driveway and jumped out, opened the back door and unlatched Alec's car seat and ran into the house. Edward could do whatever the fuck he wanted.

I just wanted to get to my room and lock the door before he could bother me some more. I didn't even go to the bathroom.

I breast fed Alec, burped and changed him and let him sleep with me in the bed. I just needed him close to know that he was there with me safe and sound.

Life is too short, too fragile and could be ripped right from you at any minute.

I have way too many things to contemplate and they're just going to have to wait until tomorrow after I have rested.

I was supposed to be at my parents house in the morning for Christmas Day dinner and gifts, but I may have to call and either cancel or go later.

I was woken from that horrible memory by Kate's soothing voice. As I snapped out of it, I found myself so distraught and emotionally caught up in that last incident that I couldn't separate past from present.

I was frightened, sad, hurt, in pain, and most of all, missing the man I fell in love with. I was heartbroken. From the top of my head to the tip of my toes, I love that man with all I have. I would never want to hurt him ever.

Twice now he has hurt me far beyond anything I could ever conceive. I don't know if I can come back from this.

I could still hear Kate speaking to me, but I just couldn't wake up from this fog. I couldn't answer her, as I was too lost in myself.

The soothing voice appeared closer and gentle hands were caressing my hand.

My dead, cold eyes looked up into beautiful, caring eyes. It made me cry all the more.

Finally, I was able to register her words.

"Bella, honey. Please tell me what you are thinking."

"Oh, Kate, how? How could he hurt me that way? I would never want to intentionally hurt him, and he physically and emotionally hurt me in a way that would leave a permanent scar." I was still sobbing so hard that I wasn't sure if she understood what I said.

"Just the thought of sending him away from his family, the thought of asking him to leave our home to get help killed me. The hurt that I caused him was so difficult, but it seemed as if he was able to harm me so easily. That is not the man I know."

"Bella, listen to me. You've heard of tough love, correct? You know that sometimes we have to do things that may hurt someone, but we have to because we have their best interest at heart. You may have hurt him by asking him to leave, but it's not because you don't love him. It's because you do love him."

Kate grabbed another box of tissue and handed it to me. I was a mess and I knew that I had tears and snot all over me. While I wiped, she continued.

"If you hadn't asked him to leave, what do you think could have happened?"

"Um, well, it could have gotten worse. He could have actually killed me the next time."

I took a deep breath and twisted my wedding rings. These two pieces of metal held so much meaning to me. They were what reminded me that I belonged to him, and that he promised to love and honor me.

I finished my next thought aloud.

"He lost his way, and needs me to help him. I suppose to keep us all safe and sound, the only way was to force him to get help by asking him to leave and do so. I am hopeful that it will have the effect on him that I want it to, and will motivate him so he can come home."

I had a headache so I pulled my hair out of the bun it was in.

"But Kate, what if it doesn't motivate him? What if he wallows in his sorrows and drinks more?"

"Are you responsible for his actions, Bella?"

"No."

"You are only giving him options. He knows where he stands with you and what he must do to get back. You can't do that for him, you can only help him see that it needs to be done."

"Tell me, after that last incident, where did that leave you?"

"Well, at first, I acted like it didn't happen. I didn't know what state he was in, and I didn't want to wake the beast inside of him, so I let it be. But things were strained. He was angry; I was bitter and severely hurt. So, we spoke of only what was necessary and nothing more."

Hugging the pillow to me again, I continued to tell her what led us to now.

"I was getting sick. I wasn't sleeping for fear of him hurting Alec or me at night, and I couldn't eat from the stress of it all. I had to stop breastfeeding because I stopped producing milk. That's how bad it was. I was losing everything and felt so helpless."

A few months later, I remember sitting down with Edward to tell him I couldn't live like this anymore. I didn't know how to tell him because of how he might react. Regardless, I had to. I was dying slowly and Alec was suffering from the result of all of this craziness.

"Edward, we need to talk."

"Now, what? I just got home and I want to relax for a while before you start pouring all of your shit on me."

How many times can I keep pulling myself up from my bootstraps every time he knocks me down? His words are so hurtful.

"Please Edward. This is important and I truly need to get this out."

"Fine, say what you've got to say and then I'm going out."

I took a deep breath and braced myself. I had the phone near me, and nine-one-one on speed dial.

" I'm worried about you. I want you to get some help, whether it is for alcoholism or anger management or both, but I am afraid of being with you alone all the time. I don't know what makes you snap and what you are so angry about but you refuse to discuss it. You tell me things that truly hurt me, especially when you think I've made all these things up. I need you well so you can be here for Alec. I want to find the man in you that I love more than anything in this world. You're a different man now, and I don't want you to get too lost where we can't find you anymore."

I sat there looking at him intently, watching his every move; waiting for him to snap, but he didn't.

He was looking at his hands in his lap and it seemed like eternity before he looked up at me. Tears flooded his eyes until they came spilling down his face.

I couldn't see him like that, and I started bawling. I hurt him; something I promised myself I would never do.

I reached over to beg him not to cry, and take back everything I said.

"Edward, oh baby, please don't cry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it."

"No, don't!" He was angry now.

"Edward, please listen."

I looked into his eyes and a storm had brewed in them. Men use anger to retaliate against the pain they feel. I learned this long ago when I watched how my father treated my mother.

I know he still cared, but letting me see the hurt would be the last thing he would do.

He wanted me to believe I was the worthless one and show me he didn't care by being angry.

Knowing that would only hurt me even more, his plan was exact.

I sat there stunned as he pierced my heart like an arrow from an enemy.

"Bella, I'll pack my things and go stay with my mother. You're right, I can't be here if you're too afraid of your husband. We'll discuss arrangements and stuff another time when we've had time to think."

"Edward, please don't be upset. I just want you to get help. Then you can come home. If you still want to." I whispered the last part.

He just got up, packed a few necessities and left.

From there, we only spoke every few days and never really sat down and discussed how things would work out.

As far as I know, he hasn't tried to get any help.

I did bring Alec to his mother's house a few times a week to see him, but I would always call his mother first to see if Edward had been drinking or not.

I looked up at Kate. "And that's what leads us to today. I still only speak to him when I bring the baby to see him, and he never wants to talk about us or his plans on getting help of some sort."

I covered my face with my hands and just sobbed.

"What if he doesn't want to come back home? Then what? What will I do? I can't live without him," I cried.

"He won't talk about it, but I think he feels abandoned by me. It's like he doesn't see this situation for what it is. Especially since he truly doesn't believe he's done anything wrong."

"Bella, I understand why you feel guilty, but as I said, you can't control the actions of other people. You are giving him an opportunity to make this right, and whether he does or not is in his hands, not yours. I see how this is affecting you. I know it's killing you, and I would be able to tell even without these sessions."

"What do you mean?" I questioned with pure curiosity.

"Well, I see the circles under your eyes. Your clothes look baggy, and especially those skinny jeans that are quite baggy right now. Your cheeks are hollowed, and your hair looks dull and limp. That is not from lack of styling, Bella. That is from lack of nutrition and sleep." Kate looked at me with the most calming eyes, and it made me cry all the more. If a stranger can catch all of these signs, what does my family think?

"So, I want you to deal with the things you can control. You can control your health, and your actions. You have to remain strong and healthy for your baby. He does not need two ill parents."

"Okay, I get it. Thank you. It just hurts so much, and although I understand what I need to do, it is so difficult. I don't know how to get past the pain," I whined.

"Alright, we've had enough for today. I don't need to see you until Tuesday, and I want you to live and take care of yourself. Don't wallow away for the next three days. You have my emergency number, call me if you have any problems or emergencies. You did good today," Kate said.

She was so kind, and I think if we met under different circumstances, we would've been great friends.

I needed to get home and get my baby. Kate was right; I must take care of myself. Easier said than done, but it's a necessity.

~ BG ~

The next few days, I woke up and had that same dreadful feeling I've had since I asked Edward to leave, but I had to push it out of my head and deal with what I could control. I kept that in my head like a mantra whenever I would start to slip into myself.

I spent a lot of time with Alec doing mommy-and-baby things. He was the sweetest and happiest baby ever, and it always made me happy to see him smile.

We went to visit Edward and he looked worse-for-the-wear. He definitely did not look like he was doing anything constructive, so I had to say something to him.

I told him that we missed him and that we were waiting for him to get better and come home. He answered me with an expression that mirrored 'yeah, right.'

I wanted to tell him I loved him, but I wasn't sure how he would take it. I warred with myself for a few minutes before I just blurted it out. His head bounced up so quickly that I caught a few expressions cross his face. First, I saw the love right back, but that was quickly covered with doubt and anger.

As quickly as those expressions came, they left and all that remained was his cold, hard stare. He turned around and stalked out of his mother's house without a word.

He just left; left us standing there and didn't even say goodbye to Alec.

I said a quick goodbye to my mother-in-law and ran out of the house with my baby. I didn't want her to see me break down.

That night, after I snuggled and put Alec to bed, I sat out on our patio and smoked until it was morning.

I had my next appointment with Kate today and I wanted her to try to convince me that I didn't break my husband.

After spending the morning with Alec, I was quickly fading from lack of sleep and luckily, it was his naptime. Both of us curled up in my bed and fell into a deep sleep.

It felt like I had barely fallen asleep when I heard the phone ring. I leaned over and saw the caller I.D. read "L.A. County Morgue." I snapped the phone off the receiver so quickly that I almost dropped it. I was chanting hello repeatedly until the person on the other end finally began speaking.

"Hello, I am looking for Isabella Cullen," said the woman on the phone.

This was obviously not good. I was shaking and could barely speak.

"Hello? Are you there?" she said again.

"Y…yyess, I I'm here. This is Bella, I mean Isabella," I stuttered my way through my answer.

"I have an Edward Cullen that came in this morning and I found your number in his phone contacts under ICE - in case of emergency - listing. Are you related to him?" she asked.

"NOOOOOO!" I jumped up and dropped the phone. OhmyGod!Thiscan'tbe.

I jumped to pick up the phone. I had to ask… "This is a mistake right? Please tell me this is a mistake! Are you sure it's Edward?" I sobbed hysterically. No, no, no, no, no!

Alec was crying behind me on the bed and I know I scared him with my screaming, but I needed to find out what was going on.

"Ma'am we are sure, but we do need you to come to the morgue and identify him. Then you will be able to begin funeral arrangements."

"No, please, please, just tell me you made a mistake. I just saw him yesterday. It can't be him." This just wasn't real. I couldn't even comprehend what was happening.

"Isabella, we will be open today until five p.m. and you have until then to identify his body. Thank you," she said with finality and hung up.

I hung up the phone, picked up Alec, and just hugged him to me, while I sobbed and sobbed.

I still didn't believe this was truly happening. I just saw him. He wasn't happy, but he was fine - all in one piece. How did this happen?

I don't know how long I sat there trying to ignore the harsh and cruel news that was dumped into my lap, but I figured it was time to get up and show them it was a mistake.

I decided to call Kate's office to cancel my appointment for today. As I spoke to the receptionist, she asked me to hold on, and next thing I knew, I was speaking with Kate.

"Bella, what's wrong, dear?" OhGod!

Just that bit of affection set me off. I was hysterical again, and couldn't speak.

"Bella, tell me what's wrong."

I did the best I could as I stuttered, stammered, and cried my way through my explanation.

"Kate, I just got a call from the morgue and they told me they have Edward there. They want me to go and identify him, but it can't be. It's impossible. I saw him yesterday at his mother's house and he was all in one piece. How could he be at the morgue?"

"Bella, hold on one moment, okay?"

I could hardly breathe, what with my lack of sleep, piled on with this emotional roller coaster. I was ready to just check out. I felt completely exhausted, as if my mind was ready to just shut down. This was all too much to handle.

"Okay, I'm back. I just canceled all my appointments for the rest of the day and I am about to come and pick you up. I will accompany you to the morgue. You will not do this alone. I need you to be ready, but is there anyone else you need to call? You will need your family and their support to help you through this," she informed me.

"But… it's not him. I don't need to go Kate. It's not him," I cried.

"How about we just go and make sure? Then we will deal with the rest when we get there okay?" She said.

"Okay, I'll be ready," I answered and hung up.

I hugged Alec just a bit more, and then put him in his playpen so I could get ready.

I went to the bathroom and washed up, and threw on a sweat suit.

I got Alec dressed and packed his diaper bag. I tried to remember what else I was supposed to do and thought about calling my dad.

My dad picked up right away and I was hysterical all over again as I explained the phone call I received. He offered to come and pick me up but I told him Kate was on her way. He said he would meet us there.

I didn't want to call Edward's mother until I knew for sure what was going on.

The doorbell rang and it was Kate. I picked up Alec, grabbed his stuff, and headed out with Kate.

We were quiet on the car ride to the morgue. It took about thirty-five minutes to get there. I stared out the window trying not to think of my life without Edward.

Even though he hasn't been home with us, I knew he was still around. I could see him if I wanted to. The other alternative was just too horrific to imagine. I cried silently as I sat there, hoping that Kate wouldn't notice. I didn't want to talk about this right now. I needed to think.

When we arrived, Kate placed her hand on my leg to get my attention. I looked around and noticed we were there. I was frightened at what the outcome of this situation would bring.

We made our way into the lobby and asked directions. I saw my dad and we hugged. He held on to Alec for me as we made our way to meet with the morgue Tech.

The closer we got, the more I shut down. I honestly did not think I could deal with this situation.

We arrived at another reception desk and my dad went and spoke for me. Kate just stood by my side while I stood completely still.

The Tech walked out of a room and called my name. I followed him into the room and there was a table in the middle with a body on top. It had a sheet draped over it and I just stood by the door frozen in my spot.

The Tech was speaking but I was not able to listen.

"… so we just got his fingerprint results back and it is, in fact, Edward Cullen, but I'm sure you would like to see for yourself. Did they explain to you what happened?" He looked at me waiting for an answer.

"No they didn't, but yes, I would like to see for myself."

"Well, his report states the paramedics were called at six-thirty a.m., and when they arrived at the scene, Edward was already deceased. No one was there with him, but the store manager had cameras in the parking lot. The police report states he tripped over a concrete block as he walked through the parking lot and fell. When he fell, he split his head open and bled to death. That was at five a.m. and he wasn't found until six-thirty," he explained.

I was a shaking mess and wrapped my arms around my midsection as an attempt to hold myself together.

I sort of pointed to the table and told him I was ready.

He walked over and began peeling the sheet back. I walked right up to the table and looked at my beautiful husband.

He had dried blood all throughout his copper hair. He was pale and cold. I ran my fingers down his cheek and couldn't get over the feeling of his skin.

I couldn't hold it in any longer. I laid my head on his chest and just sobbed. I told him I loved him repeatedly until I felt a hand on my shoulder telling me my time was up.

I stood up and walked slowly to the door, right past my dad and Kate and out the front doors. Once I was outside, I ran to the side of the building and fell to my knees where I vomited until I couldn't breathe anymore.

"Bella, come on, let's get you home. Your dad said he's going to take Alec for the night. You'll need to call Edward's family," she said as she reminded me this nightmare was far from over.

As Kate drove us back to my house, I went back to looking out the window. I thought about wanting to just take the pain away and join Edward wherever he was. Knowing that would leave Alec alone, I knew I had to stay strong and raise our beautiful baby boy for the both of us. I would cherish him now more than ever, as he is all I have left of Edward.

"Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. ~Author Unknown"

Thinking of that quote makes me think what would have happened if I just left everything alone and lived with what was broken instead of trying to fix it. In the end, I was the one that ended up completely shattered.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to mauigirl60 for her awesome beta skills.
> 
> This was my first FAGE and was a lot of fun. I hope I lived up to Mrs. Robward's expectations. It's difficult to write for someone who writes so well. I hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> Thank you for everyone who reads and reviews.


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